這幾星期，完完全全的體會自己是何等軟弱的人。由自己的身體軟弱，到情緒的軟弱，再去到他人生命的軟弱。往往發生在別人生上的，就會感嘆世事無常。發生在自己身上的，才知什麼叫真正無助的脆弱。這幾天，自己像一個被撕裂的軀殼。本以為能撐得到，怎知一浪接一浪，應接不暇，只有完全倒下去。

神再次提醒我，要依靠祂，並不是靠自己的能力。
我無法依靠自己去原諒自己的過失、失敗、及失望。
唯靠祂，我能。

二零零九年十一月份。

天空不時下雨
心也暗中淌淚

彷彿哭乾了
彷彿沈寂了

告訴自己﹕
「我不懼怕明天，因我見過昨日，也喜愛今朝。」

然而，我要因耶和華歡欣，因救我的神喜樂。(哈巴谷書3:18)

這是一個釋放的故事。

人生最富有的，莫過於擁有自由的心境。在精神科實習的一段時間，體會到每人都需為自己的情緒負責任。縱然他們背後可以擁有許多悲慘並合理的原因使他們得了這樣的問題。就算是最不幸最淒慘的人，也需要去為到自己的情緒及行為作承擔，這才算是成熟的人。他們入住醫院，就是為要學會這點。

有好幾次，我無意中看見護士因為私人的問題忍不住哭了地來。就連他們，也得要去承擔起自己的軟弱。遇到再差再壞的事都好，換過頭，面對病人時，也得要變得剛強，這才算是專業。

一起剛強起來吧。


靠著耶穌得勝。 :)

=*)

“The Miracle of a Brother’s Song”

Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another
baby was on the way, she did what she could to help her 3
year old son, Michael, prepare for a new sibling. They found
out that the new baby was going to be a girl, and day after day,
night after night, Michael sang to his little sister in Mommy’s
tummy. He was building a bond of love with his little sister
before he even met her.

The pregnancy progressed normally for Karen, an active
member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in
Morristown, Tennessee. In time, the labor pains came. Soon it
was every five minutes, every three, every minute. But
serious complications arose during delivery and Karen found
herself in hours of labor. Would a C-section be required?

Finally, after a long struggle, Michael’s little sister was born.
But she was in very serious condition. With a siren howling in
the night, the ambulance rushed the infant to the neonatal
intensive care unit at St. Mary’s Hospital, Knoxville,
Tennessee.

The days inched by. The little girl got worse. The pediatric
specialist regretfully had to tell the parents, “There is very
little hope. Be prepared for the worst.” Karen and her husband
contacted a local cemetery about a burial plot. They had fixed
up a special room in their home for the new baby - but now
they found Themselves having to plan for a funeral.

Michael, however, kept begging his parents to let him see his
sister. “I want to sing to her,” he kept saying. Week two in
intensive care looked as if a funeral would come before the
week was over. Michael kept nagging about singing to his
sister, but kids are never allowed in the Intensive Care Unit.
Karen made up her mind, though. She would take Michael
whether they liked it or not! If he didn’t see his sister right
then, he may never see her alive.

She dressed him in an oversized scrub suit and marched him
into ICU. He looked like a walking laundry basket, but the
head nurse recognized him as a child and bellowed “Get that
kid out of here now! NO children are allowed!”

The mother rose up strong in Karen, and the usually mild-
mannered lady glared steel-eyed right into the head nurse’s
face, her lips a firm line. “He is not leaving until he sings to
his sister!” Karen towed Michael to his sister’s bedside. He
gazed at the tiny infant losing the battle to live.

After a moment, he began to sing. In the pure hearted voice of
a 3-year-old. Michael sang: “You are my sunshine, my only
sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray.” Instantly
the baby girl seemed to respond. Her pulse rate began to calm
down and become steady.

“Keep on singing, Michael,” encouraged Karen with tears in
her eyes.

“You never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t
take my sunshine away.” As Michael sang to his sister, the
baby’s ragged, strained breathing became as smooth as a
kitten’s purr.

“Keep on singing, sweetheart!!”

“The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you
in my hands…” Michael’s little sister began to relax and rest, a
healing rest seemed to sweep over her.

“Keep on singing, Michael.”

Tears had now conquered the face of the bossy head nurse.
Karen glowed.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Please don’t take
my sunshine away….”

The next, day…the very next day…the little girl was well
enough to go home! “Women’s Day Magazine” called it “The
Miracle of a Brother’s Song.” The medical staff just called it a
miracle. Karen called it a miracle of God’s love!

~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~

Never give up on the people you love. Love is so Incredibly
powerful. Please send this to all the people that have touched
your life in some way. To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.

Listening: You are my Sunshine sung by Elizabeth Mitchell

「愛不是沒有知識，但愛可以遮蓋許多罪，不去計較，凡事以正對邪，
以真對假，以光對暗，以積極對消極，以愛對恨。
若是期望人對我們的給作出回報，我們會受到傷害，會變成苦毒。
惟有當我們以神的心對待人，只是給，慷慨地給，不求回報，
人怎樣對待我們，就都無關重要了。」

— 張路得

在實習時遇到的人與事，說得多了。
別人有多可憐多寂寥，知道了。
看多了，聽多了，又可以怎樣﹖

懂得發熱心及憐憫去護理及關懷肉體脆弱的他們，
是較容易的。
當一個殘障的人站在面前，
誰都會容易發起憐憫的心。
當一個外面健全的人站在面前，
誰都較不會理會那人的需要。
當一個外面健全且性格或行為不討好的人站在面前，
誰都會怕那人，誰都想遠離那人，
因為誰都認為自己將會有受害的可能。

想太了，想得太多了。
想太多別人何解如此出手，其實是無關痛癢。
想得讓自己如此痛苦，折磨著自己心靈並精神，
再嚴重些，連自己的身體都弄壞。
最後連自己想什麼都變苦毒了，那又何苦﹖

終究到底，
你以一個怎樣的心去對人，
才是最重要。
根本沒有損失。

「請不要只掛在口邊，時間無多了。」

那是今天，
一塊橙黃色的葉子掉到我頭上，
所想到的。

上星期她問我，為何會想做護士，我說﹕「因為我喜歡人與人之間的交流…而且更想看到病人離開時帶著笑容。看到他們康復及微笑對我的意義很大喔。」
然後她帶點諷刺地說﹕「哈，我告訴你，不可能的，你不會在我身上看到的。」
我跟她微笑，然後跟她道別。

今次，我再遇上她，她問﹕「你想讀什麼護士﹖」
我回答說﹕「還未確定，但應該會是成人科」
在道別的時候，
我﹕「我是時候要走了…妳要繼續下去啊，無論如何都要撐下去…我會永遠記得你呢。」
她笑著說﹕「哈，趕時間就先走啦，你都一樣啊，做個好護士」
就在那個說再見的時刻，不知怎樣，我和她的眼睛都帶著淚光。

實在有許多的原因，足夠令一切純真熱誠盡毀﹔但另一邊廂，又有許多叫你不要忘掉純真希望的因素。記得九年級的時候，在寫給老師的自我介紹信裏，我寫上「我喜歡笑，因為我喜歡看別人笑」。現在讀出來，是多麼天真的一句說話。但我卻為當時的天真而動容，因為那時的自己，不怕被人取笑。相反，現在的自己反會因各種原因而忘記或忽視了起初的信念。是她，再次喚醒這已沈澱已久的信念。

近來聽到許多生離死別的故事，每每聽到心裏流淚。心裏一邊為他們感到悲傷、另一邊在想人生就是這麼難預料。她的丈夫、母親、以及她的兩位兒女都分別死於癌症，剩下她自己一人及一個關係惡劣的兒子。痛失家人，是何等難面對的事喔﹗我亦無法想像如果同樣的事在自己身上發生會如何反應過來。

對於她起初冷淡及灰心的態度，是深感明白的。但到最後大家離開時都帶著淚光，那個時刻真真正正讓我感受到關係建立的威力。無疑，我不捨得她，我亦希望她會真的對將來存有盼望，而更重要是，我被這份生命的交流感動了。

生命，是有感染力的喔。
牧師說，開心能感染人、傷心亦能感染人。

願我們能在相聚離開時，
都有感動的時候。

Listening: 紅豆 - 王菲

美麗的東西，
從來都是在靜靜底下欣賞的。

然後，那天看見了雪的蹤影，
眼睛都呆住了。

是雪啊、是雪啊，
心裏喊著。

就在那靜止的一瞬間，
傳來一份感動。

其實，在杜先生身上，我看到這樣的榜樣及福氣。
他無限的堅持、忍耐、及寬容，
讓我體會到溫柔的男生不是娘娘腔、不是懦弱、不是被動。


而是，
面對突如其來的事件，他總是能安靜及處便不驚地處理﹔
面對毫無準備的情緒，他也總能平靜地聆聽及安慰。

我很佩服他，
而我也要做個溫柔的女生喔。
嘻嘻。

其實兩性關係不必要倚賴浪漫去維繫，
但卻要以溫柔謙遜對待對方﹔
原來學會溫柔的人，更懂浪漫。

在你身邊，是很幸福。

在你身邊
作曲：小安
填詞：小安
編曲：小安
監製：張學友

就要發生的時間　如何有所准備
它就靜靜的出現　卻走進了我的視覺
以為豐富的經驗　能讓我度過一切
我逞強地唱著唱著　卻不住地後退

＊從來沒有什麼眷戀　終於我現在才發現
　我的心裡有個角落　在等著你的出現
　眼前早已失去警覺　任你輕易推落海邊
　曾經在你的懷抱裡失去所有知覺

你的溫柔讓我逐漸深陷
每天總是期待看你一遍　哦
愛的感覺這麼強烈　我怎能否決
不管天涯海角　我要在你的身邊